Diamond Jubilee

Now I did love very much the June edition of Vogue, with the iconic Miss Moss on the cover shot to Olympic goddess perfection on the cover by Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott. The portrait photography features were stunning, the fashion fabulous as ever. But all that talk of our dear Queen and features on riding boots, Barbour jackets and pearly cardies? Boke. Made me think I'd picked up a catalogue aimed at the over eighties, and frankly, "State Occasion" isn't something I ordinarily prepare for sartorially. I offer instead an alternative, punkish take on Diamond Jubilee party wear, inspired by my, *ahem*, republican roots.

Now everyone knows the famille royale love a good tipple, so what better way to say "thank you ma'am" for an extra day off work to booze up British-style than this Obscure Couture cropped tee? The bare midriff, oh-so-now, flashed above the tight shiny Topshop skirt, is a middle finger statement of youth and degeneracy in the face of all this austere institutionalism. Kate Middleton, eat your lamb-dressed-as-mutton-chic heart out. And do I see a flash of Jubilee-themed diamonds on your feet? Why no, the spiky studs on these Jeffrey Campbell platform boots give the look all the sexxed up punk attitude a grrl could wish for.

Lace might be typically an old lady fabric, but the androgynous cut of a Kooples jacket and cocaine shade of white gives a nod to the more aristocratic, flashy, decadent royals than to old Queenie. You will hear many a word of praise spoken about the Elizabeth II's dignified and quiet style of reign, and as those headscarves and wellies testify, she's a more homely bird than some wilder branches of the wider Windsor family. Wallace Simpson, Princess Marge, Lady Di, I'm talking to you.

For an all-out, Queen of Everything vibe to your trashy party ensemble, add these 1950s retro glam bitch shades by A-Morir, with pearl and diamondy detail, and skulls as tiara headpiece by Tequila Star. Now, did someone say gin o'clock?